“I just can’t do it. I’m exhausted. My parents always need something. I feel like it never stops.”
Stephanie, an accountant who had become a caregiver to her mother and father, was in tears. Her mom was in the hospital again because of a fall. Her dad, suffering from dementia, needed 24/7 care. And none of her siblings lived nearby.
“My kids, my husband, and my job all need my attention. But I’m spending so much time dealing with one crisis after another with my parents that I can’t keep up with everything else. I’m letting everyone down. I may even lose my job.”
Caregiving is a challenging task, even when it is going well. When it isn’t…well, it feels as if you cannot do anything right. The stress builds with every little thing until the caregiver feels helpless and overwhelmed.
At these times, caregivers can get discouraged and feel that nothing good is coming out of their caregiving. They fail to see the difference they are making in the lives around them.
In times like this it can help to ask:
What good is coming out of this?
For most caregivers I talk to, their initial reaction to this question is: NOTHING.
Nothing good is happening. Everything is bad.
But if they really pause and reflect, the caregivers will find the positives in their caregiving experiences.
“I’m getting time with mom that I wouldn’t have otherwise.”
“My kids are seeing an example of what it really means to love and care for your parents.”
“My siblings and I are talking more than we have in decades.”
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Taking care of a perennial is a tough job. No matter what you do, and no matter how well you do it, there will be moments when it seems as if nothing is going right.
These are the moments when taking the time to reflect upon all the good you are doing, however small, can be most beneficial.
So if you are struggling as a caregiver, ask “What is good right now? What is going right?”
You might be surprised at all you find.
